Chicken From Hell Evolves Into Elected Official

Apparently, the latest thing in political correctness is the division of the all-important concept of the micro-aggression into subsets called micro-assaults, micro-insults and micro-invalidations. With luck, this post will hit the trifecta. Hold the micro.

Joel Achenbach made my day earlier in the week with his article in The Washington Post entitled “New dinosaur called the Chicken From Hell.”


Let’s look at a few quotes and let our minds wander across the sciences from paleontology to politics.

“Scientists have discovered a freakish, birdlike species of dinosaur — 11 feet long, 500 pounds, with a beak, no teeth, a bony crest atop its head, murderous claws, prize-fighter arms, spindly legs, a thin tail and feathers sprouting all over the place.”


“It’s an unsettling beast. It looks like it could stomp you, rip you to pieces or simply peck you to death.”

“It’s definitely a dinosaur, and it lived at the end of the Cretaceous period, from about 68 million to 66 million years ago.”

“It would have been a cross between a chicken and a lizard”


And just where were our political scientists when so sorely needed? The subsequent evolution of the chicken from hell has been completely neglected.

A splendid beak for pecking and being annoying but no teeth for actually accomplishing anything.

A bony crest atop its head that clearly evolved into the silver gray blow dry made famous by the likes of John Kerry.

Murderous claws, prizefighter arms for campaigning, but spindly legs suggesting the inability to actually run anything after being elected.

A thin tail and feathers sprouting all over the place, the better for preening and photo ops.

Unsettling? Stomping? Ripping? Pecking to death? The very skills required for campaigning, which now goes on 24-7-365.

It’s definitely the evolutionary precursor of the elected official that lives today in the haute-Cretinous era.

Combination of chicken and lizard? I rest my case.

P.S. All they found were bones. No guts.




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