Epidemic of Narcissism Strikes Washington
Public health officials are at a loss to explain what appears to be a severe outbreak of narcissism in the nation’s capital. As the financial meltdown nears, it is clear that the Senate, the House of Representatives and the White House believe they can hold the entire country hostage while they pretend to solve a problem they created in August 2011. The medical quandary arises because narcissism is generally thought to be a personality trait or a mental illness and, as such, it should not be transferable like the flu or measles. How can all of the elected officials become so acutely narcissistic at the same time?
A spokesperson for the psychiatric profession observed that, “we can see that five or six hundred people are showing the classic symptoms of narcissism as they wrestle the spotlight from each others’ hands, but narcissism is not transferred from one to another by sharing cocktails and shrimp at political fund raisers.”
Others, less interested in the cause than the cure, asked, “who cares how they all got it, how do we cure it?”
To determine whether there was a solution and, thus a need for a cure, researchers conducted a survey involving busloads of seventh grade civics students who were asked, during their spring trip to Washington, “If you take in 60 cents but spend a dollar, what solutions might you consider?” Answers included “raise taxes, lower spending and be very careful of those who lend you money.” “Ah ha,” said the researchers, “that sounds like a fine answer so perhaps we should find a way to deal with the rampant mental illness that has spread from Capitol Hill to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue?”
Political scientists have advocated reversing the existing political priorities from
to the same groups but in 4, 3, 2, 1 order. Given the shortness of time and the mental deficiencies of the relevant population, that was viewed as hopeless.
“Throw the bums out” was also suggested but that solution has been neutered by Gerrymandering and it did not do too well in November.
Efforts to starve the beast by withholding campaign contributions failed because these donations, which are nothing but bribes, are so foolishly underpriced in comparison to the benefits that are for sale.
Should we really get to the eleventh hour on Monday December 31, The Supreme Court is considering replacing the President, the Vice President, the Cabinet, the Senate and the House of Representatives with the seventh graders.
Busses are at the ready but snow is in the forecast.