Hugely Anticipated Year-End Predictions

This story really needs to get posted before Sunday December 30, the biggest day of the year-end prediction season. For weeks there has been rawhide in the air throughout America’s newsrooms as editors snapped their bull whips and admonished reporters to finish guessing what was going to happen in 2019. Of course, they don’t call it guessing.

The “jeu classique” in the prediction story is to appear thoughtful, at times pensive (even to the point of wistful sadness) but, most importantly, different. Nobody wants to predict what someone else predicts. There is no attention-getting to be found in crowd following.

The best thing about predictions is that nobody remembers what you predicted so there is little consequence to being wrong. Oh sure, the occasional pundit looks back at last year’s story and gives himself a grade but I have always suspected they simply skipped their most dreadful performances, with readers none the wiser. There also appears to be an unwritten rule prohibiting prediction accuracy scorekeeping against a rival reporter.

I have never understood what people did with the predicted information. Suppose you did know well in advance that the Supreme Leaders of North Korea and the United States would call each other dotards sometime in the spring. What possible use can any of us make of that information? Is there a name calling futures market?

Seems to me a good way to think about predictions is to think about what is motivating the person making them. To that end, it is useful to recall that the news business is pretty dreadful so predictors are primarily motivated by keeping hold of the dwindling number of eyeballs reading their stuff. Watch out for those who tell you want you want to hear, lest sucking up overwhelm alleged wisdom.

Sports reporters will predict splendid outcomes for home teams except for the Washington Redskins whose owner, Dan Snyder, is now the most hated man on earth. He ranks below Donald Trump at a Resist rally. The splendid outcomes (pestilence for Snyder is viewed as splendid) make the readers happy, which keeps them as readers and thus helps the sports reporters at contract time.

Business section reporters – especially the younger ones – are motivated primarily by how much they hate being business section reporters. When they arrived from journalism school and were assigned to the business section, they were only dissuaded from jumping out the window because office-building windows usually don’t open. They want to be anywhere but the business section and, of course, the newspapers provide precisely zero business training to these feminist studies experts from Oberlin. Actual harm results from their stock market predictions though they do serve the salutary purpose of unleashing foolish dollars to be hoovered up by the better informed.

I haven’t the smallest idea what entertainment reporters predict because, with considerable effort and over much time, I have eliminated those parts of my brain that would ever have known which celebrity was which.

Then there are political predictions. A disease rampant among those who cover politics is to confuse what they think with what they hope. I like to imagine an especially strident pundit making his or her especially strident point about Hillary Clinton rather than Donald Trump or the other way round, if needed. They predict what they predict because of political preference not wisdom. Cognitive dissonance has long been a source of mirth.

There is actual science about predicting stuff. We can be victims of anchoring (inability to change our minds) or extrapolating (inability to predict anything other than a continuation of current trends) or bias (having a preferred outcome and predicting that). It isn’t worth worrying about those because they are just explanations of how to be wrong when you are trying to be right. In year-end predictions, nobody is even trying to be right.

Want to make predictions better? Ask people to bet on them. When some blowhard tells you something he thinks will happen next year, ask him how much of his own cash money he has staked on the outcome.

Bearing all of this in mind, here are four predictions:

  1. There will be many news and TV stories about predictions in the next few days.
  2. Thanks to random chance some of the predictions will be correct.
  3. The predicted outcomes of this or that will be of no value to the reader who will be unable to take any action based on the advance knowledge.
  4. Somebody will quote Yogi Berra saying, “It’s tough to make predictions especially about the future.”

There you have it an easy strategy for winning the prediction game: simply predict the obvious.

Happy New Year. That’s not a prediction, that’s a wish.


18 Responses to “Hugely Anticipated Year-End Predictions”

Don Gleason, December 29, 2018 at 5:26 pm said:

Arent those the same ones you made last year? And I have one:
“Bush did it”


Haven Pell, December 29, 2018 at 5:32 pm said:

Might as well be. I could make it like the famous Art Buchwald Thanksgiving “Le Jour de Merci Donant” that ran for decades.


Ashley Higgins, December 29, 2018 at 5:35 pm said:

Happy New Year to you, Pundificator. I predict that you will perform some amazing athletic feat in 2019 while also simultaneously pundificating.


Haven Pell, December 29, 2018 at 5:37 pm said:

I will try to make that one come true. Thank you.


Terry Vogt, December 29, 2018 at 5:52 pm said:

Haven, I suggest you visit the website, if you haven’t already. It’s also an app. You can place a bet on just about anything political, from Trump getting impeached during 2019, to a variety of Brexit-linked outcomes.

All the best and Happy New Year!


Haven Pell, December 29, 2018 at 5:58 pm said:

I listen to the 538 people discussing all them time. It is much better than the year end stories. Happy New Year to you too.


Barrett Seaman, December 29, 2018 at 6:45 pm said:

I predict that there will be a new year. If I’m wrong, no one will know.


Haven Pell, December 29, 2018 at 6:51 pm said:

Love it. I was wondering what you might say. I was picturing you when I wrote about rawhide in the air.


Bill Gordon, December 29, 2018 at 7:22 pm said:

North Carolina over your Harvard by a lot in next week’s basketball game. Book it!


Haven Pell, December 29, 2018 at 7:25 pm said:

Too easy, almost like my 4.


C Griffin, December 29, 2018 at 8:55 pm said:

And I predict that Dave Barry will have to say “(I am not making this up)” many, many times in his hilarious end-of-year recap of events. It is hard to achieve the humorous and outrageous in a year that the bizarro reality overtakes fiction.
Dave may have to perform ‘seppuku’ in 2019.


Haven Pell, December 29, 2018 at 10:29 pm said:

If Dave contemplates self harm, please have him call the LibertyPell hotline. He must be kept functioning.


Tim Warburton, December 29, 2018 at 9:47 pm said:

I always thought Bill Safire’s effort with multiple choices for the reader to decide upon plus his own choices were pretty good. He always started his piece with his results from the prior year.
I miss them and I miss him.
I think that as fine as a piece it was, and it was a fine piece, you miss the ultimate point of predictions, and not to be churlish, but predictions do, when thoughtfully considered, properly written and expressed in unambiguous language actually serve the idea of taking a few minutes to think ahead and to be concerned with possible outcomes, and just possibly be part of the body politic that might influence that outcome. Now it is also equally true that most of us rarely influence much of anything – yet at least participating in the thought process has a certain significance that should not go unappreciated.
I mean, think how let down all your readers are by you not providing us with any relevant predictions, and worse placing them in the dustbin of cynicism.
My prediction is that predictions will make a come back!
Happy New Year!


Haven Pell, December 29, 2018 at 10:27 pm said:

You could inspire me to write a prediction later in the week, not least because of the splendid use of the delightful word churlish. Thanks for the good thought.


Bob Evans, December 31, 2018 at 5:12 pm said:

I predict more of the same in Washington with little effect and less import.
Happy New Year.


Haven Pell, December 31, 2018 at 5:18 pm said:

Tra la. I think you are agreeing with the premise of the story.


Guy Cipriano, December 31, 2018 at 10:37 pm said:

Happy New Year, Champ. Your predictions are almost all going to come true. My prediction is that business in America will continue to be good in 2019. That’s what matters to me . I don’t care about Ginsberg, Mueller, Pelosi : I care about my businesses.
Signed : Pursuing Happiness In JerZey


Haven Pell, December 31, 2018 at 10:40 pm said:

I’m a little worried about the Melania one. She needs something good to happen


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