Silly Me: The Deficit Problem Never Existed At All

Whole keyboards have given their lives as I banged on about unsustainable federal deficits.

It seemed unimaginable that elected officials could ignore the problem so I attributed their ducking it to cowardice.

Silly me, they had a solution all along.

According to recent reports, the National Security Agency has cracked all of the codes for secure transactions. The warm feelings you derive from using passwords like your name, your initials, your date of birth or even the word “password” in your banking transactions are illusory.

All are in the possession of the ladies and gentlemen working in Fort Meade, Maryland, who use their secret gear to stalk former spouses and lovers in their spare time.

According to “Financial Accounts of the United States” with the catchy subtitle “Flow of Funds, Balance Sheets and Integrated Macroeconomic Accounts” released by the Federal Reserve Board in June 2013, there is more than enough money temporarily residing in private hands to repay virtually any amount of government debt.

With just a few keystrokes in the giant buildings just off the Baltimore-Washington Parkway, all assets not in the hands of our government can be transferred to their proper accounts, and our esteemed elected officials can go right back to promising the undeliverable while the key strokers return to harassing their former girlfriends and boyfriends.

Surely, you are much comforted.

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