Missing “Sweep It Under The Rug” Gene Diagnosed
In pursuit of a lifelong dream to chronicle his achievement of the pinnacle of “Haute WASP-ness,” LibertyPell editor, Easton Butler Fearing Bull, subjected himself the full battery of White Anglo-Saxon Protestant screening measures.
Though he achieved heretofore-unmeasured scores in such disciplines as fox hunting, obscure bat and ball games, boarding schools, cluelessness, noblesse oblige and Locust Valley Lockjaw, to say nothing of a perfect score in the gentlemen’s club category, he came up short on one important aspect of the genetic test.
Easton Butler Fearing Bull is entirely lacking in the all-important “sweep it under the rug” gene.
This is the gene that has evolved over millennia as the survival mechanism to keep the snot nosed from being pitch forked to death by those they refer to as the unwashed.
The very lack of any semblance of a filter makes Easton Butler Fearing Bull uniquely qualified to lead LibertyPell’s political coverage though the election. He lacks any ability to sweep it under the rug.
Join us for our opening interview.
LP – That is a lot of names. What would you like us to call you?
EBFB – I prefer Mr. Bull but my friends call me Butler.
LP – What do you think of the remaining candidates for President?
EBFB – Well, there are five left. Three are actively hated by a majority of the voters. One is not even a member of the party that might nominate him, describes himself as a socialist and might be showing signs of dementia. The fifth cannot win but is either the best liked or the least hated.
I’d say that is a fine piece of work by the Democrats and the Republicans.
LP – Do you see a solution?
EBFB – Pop that silly democracy balloon. It doesn’t exist anyway. How can we pretend voters have free choices when we get them to make those choices by lying to them?
Free college? A beautiful wall? Don’t be silly.
LP – What do you think of the two political parties?
EBFB – They don’t exist. They are roving bands of anarchists who get together once every four years and pretend to be unified. Otherwise they are just local mobs clinging to state election laws, keeping people off the ballots, and designing safe Congressional districts for inept toadies.
LP – Are you suggesting that democracy isn’t working?
EBFB – I am suggesting that democracy doesn’t exist. This country is not a democracy and never was. It is a republic and a republic is “a form of government in which power is explicitly vested in the people, who in turn exercise their power through elected representatives. Today, the terms republic and democracy are virtually interchangeable, but historically the two differed. Democracy implied direct rule by the people, all of whom were equal, whereas republic implied a system of government in which the will of the people was mediated by representatives, who might be wiser and better educated than the average person.”
LP — Care to join me for a conversation on any of several dozen college campuses about “representatives, who might be wiser and better educated than the average person?”
EBFB — Well they are. Get over it. [Disclosure: I own stocks in the manufacturers of portable safe spaces that can be installed here and there as needed by whimpering children and in medicines administered for micro-aggression therapy.]
LP – Thank you Butler. I look forward to continuing our conversations.
EBFB – That’s Mr. Bull to you.
Barrett Seaman, April 17, 2016 at 5:45 pm said:
A little Bulworth; a little Bill McKay (“The Candidate”), except the candor is not coming from the candidate.
Haven Pell, April 17, 2016 at 6:01 pm said:
We are trying to contain the problem. Our hope is that one unmedicated WASP can be managed, but if the idea catches on, the country might be faced with legions of refugees from New Yorker cartoons storming the barricades in Washington.
Peter Pell Jr, April 18, 2016 at 3:29 pm said:
As the electorate gets more ideologically diverse, perhaps more of us will realize that we can only peacefully coexist if we live and let live. It’s healthy to tease each other about religious zealotry, micro-aggression therapists, WASP names, etc. but the Government shouldn’t be taking sides in any of this.
Talented politicians could refocus to more appropriate pursuits… What if Ted Cruz were a mega pastor, where thousands could come hear the Word of the Lord from Ted… and Bernie could start a charity (or a commune) to raise money to provide college tuition and pay health insurance premiums. Neither one of them should be able to harness the power of the Federal Government to further their own beliefs.
Haven Pell, April 19, 2016 at 3:42 pm said:
And, I assume you would be okay with what seems the logical follow on: the rest of us could then ignore them.
Peter Pell Jr, April 19, 2016 at 4:32 pm said:
Ignore them, or join them, or perhaps most usefully… learn from them and come up with something different or “better”?