Valentine’s Day and Former Governor Kitzhaber

Countless happy and prosperous people are not bloggers and they move through their lives, blissfully unaware of the rigid rules governing big shot journalists and low life, attention-seeking self-promoters alike.

In trade for glowing front-page obituaries, there are some things we are required to write about.

Valentine’s Day is one of them.

Even for a master of the incomprehensible segué, combining Valentine’s Day with shabby politics is a stretch.

Stealthily concealed as a day devoted to love, Valentine’s Day is actually a festival of blame, pouting and one-upsmanship. It should be called National Gotcha Day. Ladies believe themselves mistreated and blame the mistreaters, which leads to extended pouting followed by spa treatments. Other ladies invent good works heaped upon them by fictional non-mistreaters and lord them over the pouters as smooth stones warm their backs.

Mean-spirited encounters follow.

Resolution is achieved through the consumption of flowers, chocolates, sappy cards, over-priced dinner reservations and, occasionally, naughty underthings.

These trenchant observations lead inevitably to (a) a neck snapping segué, (b) former Oregon Governor, John Kitzhaber, or (c) all of the above.

The correct answer is (b) former Oregon Governor John Kitzhaber or possibly (c) if you have not had your fill of mean-spirited encounters.

Loosely translated, “Kitzhaber” means one who “has” goats. The puerile blogger could stop right there and call it a job well done, but that would be too easy.

With but one more neck-snapping segué you will see why Governor Kitzhaber could be the 2015 Political Man of the Year.

Kitzhaber is resigning because of a relationship with Cylvia Hayes, an environmental consultant who was born two decades after the governor. The relationship itself is not the problem; it appears there might have been some friendly political wallet padding in enviro-land.

Segué Alert.

Kitzhaber and Hayes are not the point here either.

The reason Kitzhaber is showing early foot in his quest to be 2015 Political Man of the Year is his successor.

Secretary of State Kate Brown will become the first governor of any state to be openly bisexual. Splendid Valentine’s Day inclusivity there.

Why is this important? Because it might put to rest forever the whole question of unseemly political boffing. If lady politicians do it too, the issue is dead.

Remember President Obama saying, “of course I inhaled, that was the point?” With those eight words he ended the silliness of asking politicians about dope smoking.

To the chagrin of journalists and bloggers alike, Governor Brown’s first takes centuries of journalistic finger-wagging about political peccadillos off the table.

Fortunately, “having goats” remains fair game.

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